Deku the sassy coffee drinker
by Sonnie Celanna
Summary: What if Izuku had the personality of Godot from Trials and Tribulations? This, is what would happen probably (Aka, Deku is he was a sassy coffee addict with his mothers quirk who seemed sophisticated but doesn't really care how he's perceived while being a total badass.) (Crack-ish fic.)


When Izuku Midoriya was four years old, he discovered three things about the world in which he lived.

The first was that all around him, innocent people were hurt by those with powers simply because they could, the worst black hearts and bitter souls that would become villains.

The second was that he was one of those considered weak by society, with only his mother's weak telekinetic abilities, making him an easy target for some. He learned the unfairness of life with these experiences. While others may have become reclusive or easily frightened and nervous anxious wrecks, the young greenette learned to build up mental and emotional barriers to protect him from those who wished him harm.

The third, a secret reserved for most until they were much older were the wonders of the miraculous drink that was coffee. His mind felt sharper, his world made more sense and he was left with nothing more than a desire to keep drinking even after it was gone.

These three truths lead him to his life today, at the age of 14, watching a giant monster tear apart the streets on his way to school. He let out a sigh as a small smile graced his lips. He held his hand out and a mug flew into it, seemingly from nowhere as he began to sip away, taking in the fragrance of the glorious drink.

"Man these villains really are all over the place just now…" A bystander with some odd tree like feature growing out of his head commented.

"Yeah, it's annoying. Why even do it?" A woman asked as Kamui Woods shot overhead to deal with the behemoth. He stopped sipping, adding his own commentary to the event.

"The beans of which one might use to create their preferred brew can have come from anywhere, treated in any way until it reaches you." He said slowly, swirling around the liquid within his container. "If they were in the wrong conditions, or exposed to the wrong…components, you're brew will taste bad when you finally go to drink. It's good to have the bitterness to one's final product, but that doesn't excuse too much that even I no longer am able to handle the result."

"Huh…The heck? Who are you?" The man questioned, staring at him wide eyed. The teen let out a chuckle.

"The one who will take my time to make sure every component in one's brew is treated right, if all goes well." He said, before turning and walking off as the fight finished, a new hero with a size changing quirk finished it. The media lapped it up, as it was an attractive woman in tight clothing and with a rather unashamed personality.

"When one's head filled with desires, I suppose it's easy to manipulate them with an empty promise to help achieve such dreams."

With that, he finished the drink and threw away the cup, using his quirk to send back to whence it came. He had trained enough to have more control than his mother at least.

* * *

After that, most of the day went by without much of note at his school happening. Everyone avoided him as they always did, as he drank his body weight in coffee and wrote down his notes.

Everyone thought him insane for wanting to be a hero with a weak quirk like his own, and he supposed his general demeanour didn't help much. They had made it through most of the day when his teacher had announced something that sent everyone into a stunned silence.

"Oh yeah, Midoriya, you want to go to U.A. right?" He asked and the boy nodded. A moment later an explosion went off on his desk as a glaring angry blonde boy, Katsuki Bakugou, stood above him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Deku?! There's no way they'd let a weakling like you in, you useless bastar-"

He didn't finish as a coffee cup suddenly battered against his head before moving into the greenette's hand which the boy began to drink, unfazed.

He frowned slightly. 'This brew is….off…'

"Kacchan, I see your temper is as fiery as your own quirk, like always." He commented, leaning forward with a grin as he let the cup float beside him. "Even with no good reason, your outlook still remains as bitter as the brew in my grasp…"

"The fuck is that even supposed to mean?! You're a fuckin-AHHH!" He didn't get a chance to finish as ceramic collided with his head and hot coffee poured down his body.

"It means you'd do well to return the excessive amount of salt you contain back to the ocean where it belongs." Midoriya said, before leaning back and suddenly once more calling upon a brew. Someone whispered something about having no idea how he always had one ready.

Bakugou sat at his desk once more, seething quietly.

* * *

Midoriya was one of the last to leave that day, busy with checking the news about the earlier villain attack to find out the name of the new pro. She had announced it but he had been distracted by his coffee.

He started to get up when suddenly his notebook was snatched from him. He scowled when his gaze settled upon Bakugou waving it about with a malicious little grin. "I don't know where you think you're going Deku but we're not done."

"So, you're going to waste your time acting pathetic as always, Kacchan?" He asked, shaking his head as he stood up. "I thought you'd be in a rush to get home, seeing how far we are from the Dead Sea and all…."

"Tch, calling me salty again you fuckmunch?" The blonde growled, before blowing up the book and tossing it out the window, leaving the greenette to sigh. "Can't even get better material."

"You're hardly one to talk about reusing material." Midoriya commented as he crossed his arms, already bored with this encounter. He hadn't even summoned more coffee to help him through it, he'd run out. "You'll excuse me if I'm not in the mood to deal with your ego stroking. You'll just have to put up with your regular stroking when you get home."

"The fuck?!" Bakugou growled as he processed that, before going to blow the greenette up only for a pencil to suddenly stab into his leg. "Agh motherfucker!"

"Your mother? Yes I did." Was the last thing to leave the greenette's lips before he exited the room.

* * *

He recovered his book easily enough, simply sighing when he saw it had fallen into the small koi pond outside. He backed everything up so it was just two pages he could redo later, nothing worth getting frustrated over.

He made his way back, hands in his pockets towards his home. He hoped no villain attacks would show up as he really needed another brew soon.

After ten minutes of walking, he happened upon a tunnel he was used to walking through to go home, though some rumbling in the ground beneath made Izuku pause for a moment. He shook his head before continuing on, only for the man hole in the centre to burst open and a slime villain to pour out.

"Gotta move-Wait….Well hello! Hold still kid, I could use a skin suit to hide!" The villain announced as it oozed it's way towards him, making the teen snarl a little before sighing.

"Hentai convention going on?" He questioned nonchalantly, causing the oozing monstrosity to suddenly stop and look at him confused. "No? hmm, well you'd certainly be the prime attraction."

"H-hey I'm not into that kinda shit!" The villain defended himself, and Midoriya let out a small chuckle.

"Well, if you say so, my mistreated bean." The coffee addict said with a shake of his head. "Of course, with how the brew you leave me with tastes, I will certainly have to complain to those who treated you and the components around you…'

Loud stomping footsteps came from behind and the teen turned to see, of all people, the number one pro hero All Might stomping towards them. The teen was surprised but certainly not complaining. "And it would appear, it's time for your brew to refined my friend."

With that, he ducked out the way, allowing All Might to smash the villain into pieces and rush to collect it all into an empty soda bottle.

"Citizen! I hope you are ok? I apologize for not capturing the evil doer faster!" The blonde said and Midoriya smirked, looking up at him.

"There is no set pace at which one must enjoy the bitter delight of the caffeine they are given. In the end, you made it. That's all that matters." The boy said, causing the blonde to look at him with his mouth slightly agape.

"Uhh…right. Well anyways, I best be off to handle this villain! Take care now!"

"Hold on just a moment." Midoriya requested, and the pro turned with a confused glance. "Coffee makers."

"E-excuse me?"

"Pro heroes are like coffee makers." He said, as if it was the most simple fact in the world. "There are many types, many brands. Sometimes they make different levels of quality of coffee. Some are the purest, bitterest blends, others sputter and churn out brews that barely deserve to be recognized as coffee mimics."

"I suppose?" All Might said, scratching his head before shaking it and turning around, bending his knee's. "Listen kid I'm sure you're nice and all but I really must be going."

Midoriya let out a sigh before rushing forth.

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT!" All Might shouted as he flew through the air, trying to leave him behind. "Wait what the-AH!"

Looking down, Midoriya was clinging on tight. "HEY LET GO!"

"No thank you. I am not in a rush to become nought more than a stain on concrete below." The coffee addict said simply.

"Oh….good point."

* * *

It took them a couple of moments but the blonde found a roof, causing the teen to flop off and roll across the ground before standing up.

"Not a smart move. Bang on the door there and someone should let you in." He instructed as he moved to go away again.

"I wasn't finished." Midoriya announced simply.

"Well I'm afraid I am, I don't have time."

"My quirk is weak."

"I…huh?"

Midoriya stood up, turning to look at the skyline and missing the steam starting to rise from the older man.

"I brought up the analogy earlier for a reason. Coffee makers make all types of coffee, but what if one coffee were to be made with the weakest coffee maker possible, with horribly treated components going in, all into one dark bitter drink?" He questioned, before turning back. "Could it still be an amazing brew with the right person at all-"

His eyes widened slightly as he saw a skinny blonde, not unlike a skeleton staring at him surrounded by smoke.

"What….Are you?"

"I am still All Might, I assure you." The blonde said, taking a seat against the bars and coughing, little splatters of blood coming out with the hacks.

Izuku let out one last chuckle.

"Well….I believe this brew just became more like a cup of tea…."


End file.
